October 2001

October 3 (17w5d): Well I had my doctor's appointment today - I can't believe I am almost 18 weeks. It seems like we just found out I was pregnant. The pregnancy is really going by so fast. All went well at the appointment. My blood pressure is 104/60 and I gained 3 pounds in 4 weeks for a grand total of 13 pounds thus far - yikes! Then I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again - such a cool sound. It took maybe 45 seconds to find the heartbeat and in that time of course I panicked but luckily all was well and the little one was just hiding for a bit. Had the blood drawn for the AFP test which screens for neural tube defects, Down's syndrome and Trisomy 28 in the baby. I had a cystic fibrosis screen as well which I guess is becoming more common. Hopefully all of these results will be negative.

All the morning sickness/nausea has passed but the heartburn remains as well as the exhaustion. I haven't felt the baby kick yet which I really can't wait for. I keep talking to it and telling it to kick me but it's just not cooperating. Though I think I really am beginning to look pregnant - the belly has gotten hard all of a sudden, for a while it was really just like widening flab. But now it's taken on a much more distinct pregnancy belly shape. So it's all elastic and maternity pants from here on out!

October 7 (18w2d): Well today Michael and I went to New York for the day to visit friends and to see the remains of the World Trade Center. It was not what either of us thought it would be like. It was sort of odd to see so many people down there looking at the site, but it was also odd in that it was very quiet, no one really talking, very little pushing, Odd for a huge crowd in New York. The smell was still pretty bad and I was a little worried about the baby, but hopefully all is well. It was sort of like burnt rubber, but worse - sharper, more pungent. It tickled your nose. Neighboring stores were all still boarded up, blocks away, covered in a very fine layer of ash and dirt still. Everything seemed still and frozen in time. There was almost no vehicle traffic because everything was blocked off. We had to go through a police checkpoint to get into Tribeca earlier in the day. Even being there, not seeing the towers in the skyline, it was still unimaginable what had happened there a little less than a month ago.

We heard that the U.S. attacked Afghanistan while we were there. It changed the whole mood of the day, everyone was unsettled and we were anxious to be home. But overall we had a great visit, good to see Victor and Xiao Ping and Becky and Brian - I am so glad they moved back north!

October 9 (18w4d): Looked at the first daycare center today. Not too impressed. I am hoping the one tomorrow is better. I've started calling some private home day cares now as well. No luck - it's really hit or miss as to whether they have openings for an infant. The whole process is really staring to overwhelm me. I hope it gets better. I can't leave the bay somewhere I don't feel comfortable. This is my least favorite thing about pregnancy - looking at daycares. Thankfully my friend Patsy from work came with me today and is coming with me tomorrow again - a second pair of eyes is very helpful and she really knows what to look for too. So my finger's are crossed I'll like the other center better, but right now I just feel really discouraged on the whole daycare thing.

October 10 (18w5d): Looked at the second daycare center by my work today. What a difference! I feel so much better now. I would most definitely feel better leaving my baby here. The staff was all women, it felt very maternal and nurturing, there was a separate room for young infants with toys, books, bouncers, walkers, swings, rockers - everything the other center lacked. And to top it off this center is $300 less a month than the other one. Unbelievable. And as I call around a lot more, I am finding this is the going rate - not the exorbitant sum the first center was charging! I am going to look at another center that is farther from my office but more central to both Michael and I. This one has a great reputation so I am getting curious to compare how all of these different centers are run. Though the thought of having the baby 5 minutes from me in case of emergency or even just to pop-in, or come for a feeding, etc. is very appealing.

October 12 (19w0d): I got the results of my AFP test and they are not good, I have an elevated risk of there be an abnormality in the baby. The risk should be 1 in 759 for someone my age, my risk factor is 1 in 53 - the same as for a 43 years old woman. I'm devastated. You have no idea how you will react to such news, I didn't expect to break down upon hearing it. I had to call the doctor's office back. Thankfully I have a door on my office at work so I could have some privacy. Poor Michael, I left him a totally incoherent message at work. I know the test is nothing more than an indicator of risk - it by no means means that something is wrong with the baby - just that there is an increased risk. But just the possibility terrifies me, and I feel just so infinitely sad for the baby, and yes for Michael and I too.

So I have scheduled an amniocentesis for Thursday the 18th. I just can't wait 5 more months to find out if the baby is OK or not. It's bad enough we have to wait 10-14 days for the amnio results! The amnio itself has risks associated with it, so that adds to my fears. The thought of that big needle alone is terrifying, not to mention that the needle could hurt the baby if not done properly, there are risks to infection, etc. The procedure is being done at a hospital with a good reputation and by the perinatalogist who did our ultrasound so that is somewhat reassuring. Michael and Carrie are going with me which I am very thankful for, especially since Carrie is a Nurse Practitioner. Hospitals can be so scary. But I took the day off Thursday and Friday from work and got a sub for my Saturday English class so I plan on just resting all weekend after the procedure - not taking any chances!

I'm trying hard to think positively but it is so very very hard. Michael is being so supportive through all this. I couldn't ask for a better husband. I know he's as scared and worried as I am, but he's being strong and optimistic, which is exactly what I need right now.

October 13 (19w1d): Did a little baby and maternity shopping today. I am definitely "showing" now - I look somewhat pregnant. I definitely don't fit in any of my clothes that's for sure! And I couldn't pass this adorable outfit from Gymboree up for the baby - I think it will be the perfect "coming home" outfit. It's hard but I'm trying not to worry about the test results right now and just go about things normally....

October 14 (19w2d): Michael and I had planned on going crib shopping in Portsmouth today, combined with a little leaf-peaping, hot apple cider donuts at an apple farm and spending some time in Portsmouth. But the weather was awful, not good for leaf-peaping and then when I called the store to see what time they opened, it's closed on Sundays! So we went out to Boston Baby in Newton to check out their selection. I think we've narrowed it down, now we just need to find the best price! Cribs are amazingly expensive. Here's a picture of crib we like - but we would get it in a cherry stain, not the green shown in the picture. Then we're also going to get a dresser like this one to use as a changing table as well, but we'll get it at an unfinished furniture store and stain it to match the crib - much cheaper. Since the baby's room will also share a docking station and a server, we're going to retrofit an armoire I have as half computer hutch, half baby closet. We'll see how it goes. Since it's already stained a light color, I'm thinking I'll just paint it white and stencil it to match the baby bedding.

On another note, I'm 19 weeks and still haven't felt the baby kick - they say anytime before 20 weeks and I am trying to be patient but I really want to feel the baby move!!

October 17 (19w5d): Well my amnio is tomorrow. I'm still nervous, but I feel a little bit better now that I've been talking about it a bit more with others and doing some research. But I'm still nervous. I just want everything to be ok.

On a happier note I think I may have felt the baby yesterday. Still not much more than a flutter, but it's getting more consistent.

October 18 (19w6d): Well today is the amnio. I took the day off of work so I could relax and not be too rushed. Spent the morning cleaning and working on my webpage, showered and got ready for the appointment. Michael came home at lunch to get me and we drove over to Beth Israel. The whole experience getting there confirmed my reasoning of why we chose a suburban hospital rather than a city hospital. Boston traffic is a nightmare!

We get there and get checked in, and of course we have to wait. I'm pretty tense at this point. But then we get called in and we actually have about a 45 minute ultrasound. This relaxed me :-) I love seeing the baby! All the measurements seemed good, they all put the baby right at 20w0d, which isn't that far off. The heartbeat was 154, up from 149 last appointment. I now think it's a girl, though Michael remains convinced he saw "something" on the ultrasound and he thinks it's a boy. Though he admits it could have been the umbilical cord....

Then Dr. Lim comes in and he goes over the ultrasound and he said he would be very surprised if the amnio results are abnormal since this is our second normal ultrasound, but because the AFP test was abnormal we'd err on the side of caution and have the amnio. So we got set up fro the amnio. Another doctor came into work the ultrasound and guide Dr. Lim and the needle. My placenta is lying to the front, which makes it a little trickier to get in, because they don't want to hit the placenta or the baby. (The front lying placenta also explains why I haven't felt the baby for so long!) I couldn't look at the needle and since I was lying flat on my back it was easy to avoid. However, the pain wasn't. OUCH! I'd heard from so many people that it was just a little sting than a pinch. This felt like the initial needle sting, but then the uterus cramps up and tightens and its like someone is squeezing your uterus and just won't stop. I think I completely embedded my nails into Michael's hand. Sorry! I think Michael was more freaked out by the amount of fluid they took out than the needle itself. Two very large vials. Poor baby.

But then it's over and we're free to go home. Feels a little weird and you can see the tiniest pin prick on my stomach where the needle went in. The doctor just said to take it easy today and that I could return to my normal activities tomorrow. I think I'll still take the day off of work though, better not to risk anything. But the best news the doctor gave us was that they would do a 48-hour test on the Downs so we would know by Tuesday at the latest and then they would have the complete results a little after that. We are finding out the gender of the baby, but the info will be kept under lock and key in my file - it will be there if we decide we want to know, but for now we are happy in our guessing. Except for the fact that we can't agree on a boy's name!

And of course my sweet husband made me dinner tonight - chilies rellenos - YUM!. No movie though, it's Survivor night!

Talked to my mom and grandmother tonight to let them know things seemed to have gone well. They have said enough prayers for me, along with so many of my friends! It's been so comforting to have such great friends and family through all of this.

October 19 (20w0d): Spent most of the day resting and checking my belly for any signs of problems, cramping, etc. All seems well (knock on wood). Though my belly is so much smaller it seems now - it worries me a bit, but I assume the fluid will replace itself. The good thing is though that with the less fluid, I can feel the baby! I am definitely feeling the baby now, its like something going "pop" inside me - very strange, but so very cool. It's not too consistent yet, but hopefully soon. It seems to be most active right after dinner.

October 20 (20w1d): Another morning looking at cribs. This could be hopeless. The prices are just outrageous. Went to Portsmouth to see if going Tax free would be any better, and not really. Then went back to the Baby Warehouse and got some interesting tips from the salesman, but didn't really find anything. They mainly carry Ragazzi cribs and I don't really like any of the styles. Well, maybe one. But I am still leaning towards the high/low one we liked at Boston Baby. In reality, its only about $50 more than the Ragazzi cribs so we might as well go for it. We'll see. But we did stop at this wonderful place called Cider Hill Farms in Amesbury where we had hot cider and warm apple cider donuts - well worth the trip. They were delicious!

October 23 (20w4d): Waiting to hear about the rushed amnio results. Mike is calm and says if we don't hear from the doctor by Friday to call - I don't think I can wait that long! I told myself if I don;t hear by the end of today, I would call tomorrow. But of course I break down around 4 pm and call Dr. Lim's office - he's not in but calls me back within the hour. My results aren't in yet. He thinks early tomorrow. So the waiting continues. I have pretty much convinced myself everything is OK, if its not I really don't think I am prepared for the news. My fingers are still crossed and I am still praying.

October 24 (20w5d): Dr. Lim called around 10 this morning - the rush results for Downs and Trisomy are negative!! What a relief. The comprehensive results won't be in for another week or more, but the doctor thinks everything is fine, especially given the great ultrasounds! He also said the amnio gender results were in and did I want to know the sex? Good wife that I am I declined, since Michael remains adamant on not knowing. But now that I know the results are in my file and are absolutely correct, no possible technician error like on ultrasound, I am so tempted to know!

I called Michael as soon as I got off the phone with the doctor and of course I was crying because I was so happy and relieved, but poor Michael all he got was that I had talked to the doctor and since I was crying he thought it was bad news. I quickly reassured him otherwise! We are both so relieved. Today he also found out his company had merged with another one, so that was more big news for the day. Then I called my mom to let her know all our prayers had been answered, and then she almost cried too! Quite an emotional, but happy morning. And the baby has been kicking away today, so that's is good as well. Some days there are barely any kicks which always upsets me, I think I drive Michael crazy too. But I'm so worried something could still go wrong - those kicks are so reassuring!

October 28 (21w2d): More baby shopping! We finally bought the crib, after another good hour wandering around the store. They had some discontinued last year's models, which were a very good price, but I hated the exposed hardware. So we got one we both love with no exposed hardware and sort of in the mid-to-high range of our budget. I was all set to get the less expensive one, but I knew I would regret it in the long run - over the time we'll use the crib, what's an extra 70 dollars? Plus it has a 15 year, 3 child warranty. Can't go wrong with that. I still love the other crib I posted a picture of earlier, but for the extra money it just wasn't worth it. Anyway....click here to see a picture of the crib. We got it in white like the picture, but have are doing different dresssers/armoire than in the picture. I'll be sure to post nursery pictures as we get it all together.

October 30 (21w4d): Had my 22 week doctor's appointment today and all seems to be going well. Blood pressure still good, and weight, well not so good. I've gained about 20 pounds, which is a lot for this early I guess, but I think I'm doing well - all the growth seems to be in my belly at least. A car crashed through the window of the doctor's office while I was there - luckily no one was hurt, just a very very odd day!